


(eventually) yours

by WattStalf



Series: Poll Fics [82]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Loss of Virginity, Pen Pals, Slow Burn, Vaginal Sex, smut in last chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:21:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: Through sharing progress reports about Hilda, Holst and Byleth soon become pen pals.
Relationships: Holst Goneril/My Unit | Byleth
Series: Poll Fics [82]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1459168
Comments: 18
Kudos: 114





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a new Saturday fic, check twitter for update info

Byleth is not used to getting letters. In fact, Byleth has never gotten a letter before in her life until she came to the monastery to teach, and even then, the letters were just a few polite messages from parents, thanking her for the work she will be doing to take care of their child. Hilda’s father writes to her the same as any other noble parent, but not long into her new career, she receives a letter from Hilda’s older brother.

She has heard a bit about Holst Goneril, from Hila herself, as well as from others while listening to her students talking amongst themselves before classes. The name is not unfamiliar to her, but she is still surprised to receive a letter from him, when he is someone that she only knows from hearsay.

_ Professor Byleth, _

_ I hope that this letter finds you well, and I apologize for writing to you out of the blue like this, but I feel like I should express my gratitude to you. My little sister has done nothing but complain in her letters to me, and I know that you are to blame for that. So I really do need to thank you! _

_ For the most part, Hilda seems to like you very much, but her complaints tend to outweigh anything else, and I know exactly what is going on. One of our worries when we sent her off to school was that she would be up to her old tricks straightaway, charming her classmates and teachers to ensure that she had to do the least amount of work possible. She would manage graduation, just barely, and return home the same as she left. It pleases me to know that you are not falling for her tricks, and are making her participate the same as you would anyone else. _

_ Hilda is a good girl, with a good head on her shoulders. If we could only cure that laziness of hers, I’m sure she could do great things. I know that that must not sound like much, coming from me. Part of the problem is that I have always been too much of a doting brother, and I may have spoiled her a bit too much in the past. But I do believe that she is capable of a lot, if she only applies herself. So, again, I must thank you seeing to it that she does her part. _

_ You know, I was at the top of my class during my time at the Officer’s Academy. I’m sure Hilda feels like she has a lot to live up to there, and that she would be better off not trying at all, but I think it would do her a lot of good to be told that things like that don’t matter, just as long as she is doing her part and giving it her all! But I’m not the teacher here, so my input might not mean much. _

_ Whatever the case, I look forward to hearing more about you from her, and look forward to hearing about you more directly, if you aren’t too busy to reply to me. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Holst Goneril _

From what little she knows about Holst, the letter sounds about like what she expected of him. He writes like a typical noble, or at least what she has learned about typical nobles in her brief experiences with them, but seems to be very polite and to care very much about his little sister. She wonders if Hilda knows about this letter, and if she is supposed to mention it to her or not. It doesn’t say anything either way, but Byleth decides not to mention it for now.

She does plan to write back, however, and spends a moment thinking about what she should say. While getting letters is strange to her, sending them is even more strange. The responses that she sent to the noble parents were all the same, generic thank-yous that she ended up asking her fellow professors for help with, but this seems more personal, and therefore, she feels like she should have a more personal approach to it, so she spends a bit of time thinking before she puts pen to paper.

_ Holst Goneril, _

_ I appreciate you taking the time to write to me on your sister’s behalf. She must be very lucky, to have such a loving family supporting her. As a student, you are right in saying that she has a lot of potential. From the first day, she has shown promise that she has done her best to hide away, and one of my goals is to help draw that out of her. _

_ You don’t need to worry about her using her charms on me. Though she does attempt to trick the other students into helping her or doing her work for her, I like to think of myself as immune to such things. As long as I am supervising, I will make sure that she is completing tasks for herself, getting her training done, and showing us all what she is capable of. _

_ I can understand the pressure she may feel, hearing about your achievements. For the most part, I avoid talking about the top of the class, because I want the students to be able to work together, rather than see this as a competition. Hopefully, that will take some of the pressure off of her. _

_ If you would like to keep up correspondence, then I can send you updates on her progress. Though I wouldn’t know personally, I don’t think it would be too off base to assume that her letters might stretch the truth at times. _

_ All in all, Hilda is a lovely student, and I look forward to seeing how she grows, and helping to bring out her potential. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Byleth Eisner _

By the end of the letter, Byleth is a bit surprised with how much easier it is for her to speak when she is not actually speaking. For the most part, she speaks in short sentences, and only when it is absolutely necessary. While writing, she can articulate things a lot better, and has the time to think out how they will sound before she puts them down.

But, then, it shouldn’t surprise her so much. She always writes down lectures before she gives them, so that she does not trip over her words in front of the class. It only makes sense that that applies here as well.

~X~

_ Excerpt from a letter to Hilda, from her older brother Holst: _

_ Your new professor sounds like a fascinating woman. I wish I’d had a mercenary for a teacher, back in my academy days! Maybe I should plan a visit to see if she would spar with me. _

_ Oh, but you wouldn’t want that, would you? Then I could see in person just how strong you’ve gotten, and you couldn’t keep writing to me about how hard your new teacher is pushing her delicate flower of a student. Well, if you ever find a chance for your professor and I to fight it out, I’d love to! It’s been a while since I had someone I could really cut loose with. _


	2. Chapter 2

It is not long after she sends her response to Holst that she receives another letter from him, and Byleth finds herself oddly excited when she is told that there is a letter for her. Though she is not used to keeping a running correspondence up with someone, the idea of having something like that does seem pleasant, and she is struck by how odd it is for her to be so excited by the prospect of friendship with someone that she has never met and barely knows.

_ Professor Byleth, _

_ I admit, I’m surprised that you took the time to reply to me, and so quickly, at that. You must be very busy dealing with that class of yours, particularly with my sister in it, so I do appreciate that. I also appreciate all the kind words about Hilda, and will continue to root for you from the sidelines as you attempt to whip her into shape. _

_ If we’re going to write back and forth like this, though, I’m sure it would be more polite to talk about myself and ask about you, rather than just talk about my little sister. I know you mentioned keeping up correspondence about her specifically, but writing to you seems enjoyable all on its own. _

_ Hilda says that you were a mercenary before you came to teach, and that your father was once a respected knight in the church. She says that you rescued the three house leaders before you came to the monastery, and that is part of why you were considered for a teaching position. I have to admit, I find all of that incredibly fascinating. Though I do like to think of myself as tough, my upbringing is pretty standard for a noble in the Alliance, definitely not anything as interesting as what you must have experienced. _

_ I’m sure my stories about my time in the academy are rather boring in comparison, and you probably don’t want to hear me go on and on about my glory days. Well, I will say, at least- make sure you have a good handle on your students when it comes to any competitions between houses. Just one student could throw things off and cause the results to be below your expectations. I am speaking from experience, but I promise you that it was not me that did anything like that. _

_ I hope that this letter finds you well, and that you continue to enjoy your work at the academy, _

_ Yours, _

_ Holst _

As soon as she has the chance to sit down and write to him, Byleth once again discovers that she can quickly find the words, having an easier time writing to a man that she has never met than she does having a verbal conversation. Not only that, but she thinks she just enjoys reading what Holst has to say, and almost wonders if speaking to him might be a little bit easier as well.

_ Holst, _

_ I actually don’t receive a lot of letters, so that is why I was able to respond so quickly. So, really, it’s no trouble to keep up correspondence, even if it is just to share progress reports on Hilda. Though, at the same time, if you’re interested in just writing for the sake of writing, I definitely don’t mind that either, polite or otherwise. _

_ You say that your stories wouldn’t be interesting to someone with my upbringing, but I need to point out that the sort of the things you grew up with are nothing like what I grew up with, so that makes them more interesting to me than you might think. Actually, I’m especially interested in any stories about your time in the academy, since everything around here is pretty unfamiliar to me. _

_ To me, stories about my life as a mercenary seem incredibly dull. The battles all tend to blur together, and it’s hard to remember any of the specific details. My father would handle the business side of things, so I rarely interacted with anyone directly. I can hardly remember the details of some of those battles, so I don’t know if I can tell you any interesting stories. I’m curious to know anything you feel like sharing, and if you have any questions, I can at least try to answer. _

_ As for a progress report on Hilda, things are moving along at a steady pace. Though she still tries to dig her heels in about work, and still finds ways to pawn her chores off on others, she has no choice but to train when I’m watching over her, and has realized that pretending to struggle with the basic exercises is actually more tiring than simply carrying them out. Progress is slow, but it is definitely being made. I think you would be proud of her if you could see her now. _

_ Yours, _

_ Byleth _

~X~

_ Excerpt from a letter to Holst, from his younger sister Hilda: _

_ Are you and the new professor seriously talking about me behind my back? I knew there had to be some reason for her suddenly going so hard on me, should have known that it was you! Well, good to know that she had someone telling her not to go easy on me, since I almost worried my charms weren’t what they used to be. _

_ As for your comment about how “fascinating” you find her, I better not catch you traveling all the way out here just to flirt with my teacher! Honestly, I thought you were better than that, but maybe there’s a side to you that I don’t know. You know what they say about the company you keep, after all. _

_ Either way, a visit will not be necessary. You’ll simply find that I’m the same delicate flower who left home, and that my teacher is an absolute demon, pushing me to my limits. There’s no progress to catch up on, and I’m not so sure how I feel about you sparring with her when you gush like this. Besides, it seems like you’re writing to her even more than you’re writing to me! _

~X~

_ Except from a letter to Hilda, from her older brother Holst. _

_ After everything that you’ve told me about her, are you honestly surprised that I’m interested? You know me well enough by now, Hilda- you know that a woman like that is exactly my type. And as for your remark about the company I keep, I think you would know that this isn’t common for me. In fact, this might be the first time I’ve thought about going out of my way to meet anyone, and that’s saying something! _

_ As for whether or not I would spend the time flirting with her is entirely up to your imagination, for the time being. Things are too busy for me to plan for a visit right now, so you can keep up your illusion of weakness for a little while longer. Even so, I do hope to visit someday, and spar with her when I do. I guess if you want to, you could consider that an intention to flirt with her all on its own, so go ahead and let your imagination run wild. _


	3. Chapter 3

_ Byleth, _

_ You don’t receive a lot of letters? I find that hard to believe, when writing to you has been so enjoyable so far. Perhaps you don’t write like this to anyone other than me, in which case, I’d consider myself very lucky. But that might just be wishful thinking, so feel free to ignore that I have even said it. With that in mind, though, I do have to say that I’m surprised at how you do write to me. Hilda has always described you as being rather quiet and brief, so getting letters that match mine came as a surprise. _

_ I’m glad that you don’t think it will be any trouble to keep writing back and forth, but I still do insist that we talk about more than just my sister. Like I said, writing to you is very enjoyable, and I am already looking forward to your next letter. If you do only write to me like this, I guarantee you would find yourself with a lot of penpals if you kept up this kind of conversation with everyone. I might be stepping out of line saying that, though, so again, feel free to ignore me. _

_ I’m flattered to hear you say that my stories wouldn’t bore a seasoned mercenary out of her skull. I will have to do my best to come up with my most interesting and amusing memories to share with you, maybe in a longer letter someday. I hope you look forward to that as much as I look forward to hearing from you, of course. And, just the same, I think your background is more interesting than it seems you do, so if you ever want to share any details, no matter how mundane they may seem to you, I guarantee I will not be able to put the page down. _

_ Simply hearing you talk about Hilda is already enough to make me even more proud of her than I already was. I had spent a lot of time worrying that we would be getting complaints about her, and reports that she was falling behind the other students, so I’m very glad to hear that you are able to work with her at all, and that any progress is being made. My little sister is very important to me, and it makes me very happy to know that she is in good hands with you. _

_ Looking forward to your response, _

_ Holst _

_ Holst, _

_ I’m definitely not exaggerating when I say that you are the only person that I correspond with this regularly. Maybe I do take on a different tone when writing to others, but I think that you just leave a lot of room for response, making it easier to keep a conversation going. I like writing to you, though, so maybe I’m the one with the bias.  _

_ As for Hilda’s description of me, that sounds accurate. I have not had a lot of experience with people beyond my father before coming to the monastery, of course, so talking is more of a challenge than you might think. However, I find writing to be easier, because it gives me time to gather my thoughts before I put them down. _

_ I hope that I can come up with something interesting to tell you, then. And I do look forward to your stories, but I look forward to any of your letters just as much. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Byleth _

_ Byleth, _

_ School must be getting busier for you. I’m glad that you still take the time to write to me, at least, though if you need to take breaks, I definitely understand. You have a very important job, of course! And my little sister is just one of the handfuls that you have to deal with. _

_ The season will start changing soon. I know that it is a while away yet, but I can’t help thinking about the ball that will occur later this year. I wonder if you have ever been to anything like that before. Of course, those sorts of parties can become boring for people who are used to them, but I wonder how it will be for you. It could be new and exciting, but it could also be dreadfully dull. _

_ My biggest regret was spending the entire night letting young women have a dance with me while they recited whatever their parents made them say to me, in the hopes that they could secure a marriage with someone from a house like mine. Though I do recall a friend from a much smaller house getting a bit of attention as well, so maybe he was just popular. But, with all of that going on, even if I had had someone to sneak off with, I wouldn’t have had time. I do wish I had met someone in the Goddess Tower. _

_ If I were there now, perhaps I would invite you. _

_ Yours, _

_ Holst _

Her latest letter from Holst leaves her quite confused. Byleth has only vaguely heard about the ball that will be held several months from now, and has no idea what he means about inviting someone to the Goddess Tower, much less her. Once again, she finds herself going to one of her fellow professors to ask what feels like a basic question, choosing Manuela for this, because parties seem like something much more interesting to her than Hanneman.

“The Goddess Tower?” she asks. “A silly, cruel little legend, honestly. If a man and a woman meet there to make a vow, it will be heard by the goddess and will certainly come to be, right along with the two of them being bound together for eternity, or something like that. Of course, it says  _ nothing _ about what to do to make someone meet you up there, so it’s useless unless you…”

_ Holst, _

_ Things are definitely busy, yes, so I’m sorry if my letters are short. I’ll write what I can and when I can, however. Progress with Hilda is steady, but she is showing growth in most areas, despite what she may try to convince me. I look forward to seeing where she grows from here. _

_ I’m sure you were teasing about the Goddess Tower. The ball is still a long way off, and you’re not here, either way. I do appreciate you enlightening me to one of the legends in the monastery, and if you were here, I would let you help me test that legend. _

_ Yours, _

_ Byleth _

It takes her many rewrites to get the letter to come out as she wants, and this is during a time where her work is so busy that she barely has time to write back to him at all. Her letters may become shorter or less frequent from here on out, but she still wants to write to Holst as much as she can.

Even if she does not know how to read into his strange teasing, and can’t explain why she wants to tease back, and call each of his bluffs. This is all completely new to her, and difficult to find her way through on her own, but she is fairly certain there is no one she can ask about this, or at least no one who would give her reliable advice.


	4. Chapter 4

When Hilda comes to her, telling her that she has been called back home to assist her brother in dealing with a threat from Almyra, it almost seems as though Hilda knows of the odd correspondence between the two of them, but then, Byleth decides that that couldn’t be true. Not only that, but she is not sure that their correspondence is actually all that odd, or if she is the odd one for thinking so much about it.

Still, she almost feels as though Hilda is giving her a knowing look while she mentions her brother, and requests her professor’s help, as well as the help of her classmates. Byleth would have agreed to help her either way, but there is definitely a part of her that agrees more readily because she knows that Holst will somehow be involved in this, and she would like a chance to meet the man she has been writing to face to face.

Already, she feels as though she is friends with him, and she has no idea what he even looks like. This could be a good opportunity for her to get to meet him, in addition to helping one of her students out, and creating a training exercise for the others.

However, upon arriving, she and Hilda discover, much to the latter’s disdain, that Holst has fallen ill, hence his need for her assistance. He will not be able to take part in the battle, and is not able to leave their home at all, much less be around anyone. It is up to her and her classmates to resolve the dispute on her territory, but that also means that Byleth will not have a chance to meet him, even after traveling all the way here.

She tries not to feel so disappointed at this turn of events.

The battle itself goes by in a blur, and Hilda claims to be completely exhausted, asking everyone to wait for her while she goes to give her brother a proper earful for making her work so hard. Byleth resists the urge to follow her, knowing that he is not in any state for guests, and that he would not want to meet her under these conditions either way.

Satisfied with herself, Hilda soon returns, and they head back to the monastery. Several days later, a letter for Byleth arrives, from Holst.

_ Byleth _ ,

_ I am terribly sorry that my sister made you come all the way to our home, and that I did not even have the decency to greet you myself. I wish that we could have met properly, and that I could have treated you like my own honored guest. But I did get the chance to see you from a distance, and I hope it’s not too bold for me to say that you were an absolute vision. _

_ I would have given anything to have been able to actually see you in action, but just knowing what quick work you made of our enemies is enough to tell me that you are everything that Hilda has described you to be and more. I am overcome with admiration for you, and I hope that we will be able to meet someday under more favorable terms. _

_ I am already looking forward to the next chance that I have to see you, but this time, I promise that it will not be so one sided. And perhaps this time, you will not have to fight any enemies, though I would hope that you would be willing to spar with me for a bit. _

_ I’m looking forward to it, _

_ Holst _

There is no doubt in her mind that this man is flirting with her. Even with her limited experience, and even with all of the reasons that she can think of that he shouldn’t, Byleth still can’t deny that there is no other explanation for his behavior. Holst had already put the idea in her head, talking about the Goddess Tower, and now he refers to her as  _ a vision _ , and gushes about how much he wishes to see her again.

He may be a nobleman, and they may have never officially met. She may be just a mercenary and a teacher, and he may have only seen her once, through the window and from a distance, and she may not have a clue what he looks like, but he is definitely flirting with her. Whether he is serious about it, or just doing it to see what sort of reaction he can get out of her, she doesn’t know, but somehow, he does not strike her as the sort to do that sort of thing just to earn a reaction.

There must be some sort of sincerity to his actions, but as for what that means, or how she should respond to him, she has no idea.

~X~

_ Excerpt from a letter to Hilda, from her older brother, Holst _

_ I’m still not sure what you’re so angry about. You did excellent work. I know I couldn’t properly praise you because of my condition, but it is true. You were amazing, and there’s no longer any doubt in my mind that you are reaching your true potential at the Officers Academy. _

_ Speaking of which, I thank you for bringing your professor. She really is my type of woman. I hope we can find a chance to meet again someday. _

~X~

_ Except from a letter to Holst, from his younger sister, Hilda _

_ Are you kidding me? You’re really going to dodge the subject to gush about my teacher? That’s a new low for you, and absolutely disgusting. Your crush on her is getting out of hand. I never should have brought her, because I just knew it would lead to you getting even more attached to her. _

_ But at the very least, I’d hoped if you met in person, you might be able to run her off at last, and you didn’t even have the decency to not get sick! You’re absolutely unbelievable, you know that? _


	5. Chapter 5

Holst continues to write to Byleth regularly, but as the year progresses and as things begin to change, Byleth finds herself with less time to write back to him, only managing it occasionally, and getting more letters from him in the interim, assuring her that he is not rushing her to reply, he just thought of something else that he wanted to say to her. There is more to teaching than what she thought, or at least, more to this particular position.

The battles that she and her students face on their missions imply a lot more going on behind the scenes that one would initially suspect, and the growing tensions imply a war on the horizon, though it is not clear who, exactly, would be bold enough to declare war on the Church of Seiros itself. Byleth has a lot on her mind, and little time to write back to Holst, but the time that she takes to read his letters serves as a welcome break from the stress that her job has begun to bring her.

She is still fairly certain that the nobleman is trying to flirt with her in some way, even if she still can’t make any sense of it. Soon enough, the ball is approaching, and the excitement in the air helps cover up the distinct sense that there is something wrong, and that things will not remain peaceful for long. For a little while, they are able to pretend to have a sense of normalcy, and it is then that Byleth finds a chance to write to Holst.

_ Holst, _

_ My apologies for the delay in correspondence. As I mentioned in my previous letter, things have been very hectic. I have received all of your letters and very much enjoy reading them, and I hope that you are still doing well. I might not be able to reply again for a while, but I’ll try to at least send short letters whenever I am able to. _

_ The ball is later this month, and I can’t believe where the time has gone. It doesn’t feel like I have been teaching her for that long, but then, I look at a calendar and it has been several months. All of my students, Hilda included, have made so much progress that I barely recognize their strength anymore, and it seems hard to believe that it is because of my motivation. Still, a lot of them want to give me credit for that. _

_ This is turning out to be a bit shorter than I expected it to be, but I’ll do my best to write back as soon as possible. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Byleth _

Classes are busy from that point on, as well as actual preparations for the ball, and time passes by quickly. She receives a response from Holst just a day before the ball itself, and does not have a chance to compose a reply, hoping to do as soon as she returns from her mission for the month.

That being said, she has no idea how she is supposed to reply to what he says to her.

_ Byleth, _

_ I had sincerely hoped that I would be able to visit you soon. It was meant to be a surprise, but things didn’t work out the way that I hoped they would, so I suppose I will just tell you now that I’d hoped I would be able to attend the ball myself. I’m sure there are several families visiting right now, so it would not have been out of place for a bachelor like myself to want to visit my younger sister, as well as take the time to get to know some of the young nobles in her class...though of course, I would only have eyes for her professor. _

_ I really did hope that I would be able to invite you to the Goddess Tower, if only to make up for my regrets during my school days. Even if we just spent that time discussing things entirely unrelated to making a vow together, I know I would enjoy that time spent with you. But, alas, being next in line to head my family means that I had too many responsibilities to take the time I needed to plan a visit. _

_ Hopefully, we will be able to fix that soon, though I really do wish I could have seen you on the night of the ball. _

_ Sincerely, Holst _

Byleth definitely doesn’t know how to answer such a letter, and is not sure if she should even attempt to ask for advice on it. It becomes both more and less likely that he is trying to mess with her, the more she spends time thinking about it, but she has to go to battle again soon, so she has no more time to think about it.

~X~

The letters keep coming, when she is too numb to reply to them. Holst sends her an apology for how forward he was, saying that he never meant to make her uncomfortable. He tells her that he will stop writing about those sorts of things, if it means that she will continue writing to him, and that he really meant it when he said he would have been content to spend the whole night of the ball just talking to her.

He thinks that he has scared her off, that she does not reply to him because he pushed things too far, while Byleth is simply lost in her grief, not sure how to move forward with her life, and too numb to think of anything to say to Holst. It pains her to see his handwritten form of groveling for her forgiveness, but she can’t bring herself to say anything, because this argument he thinks that they are having seems so petty in comparison to what she is dealing with right now.

Eventually, though, she receives another letter from him, and this time, his apologies are different.

_ Byleth, _

_ Hilda has written to me about what happened to you, and to your father. I want to offer my condolences and my sincerest apologies. I apologize for pestering you with letters when you were struggling with your own battle, and I apologize for assuming that you were ignoring me over something so minor. Most of all, I apologize for trying to make this about me, without ever considering that there might be something else going on. _

_ Take the time that you need, and don’t worry about replying to me. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers at this time, and that, if you ever do want to talk to me about it, that I will be glad to listen. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Holst _


	6. Chapter 6

It is only after she has changed that Byleth is able to reply to Holst. It is only then that she has the clarity and peace of mind to actually sit down and write a letter, and at first, she is not sure that she has any right to reply right now. For a while there, she was not able to think of anything other than the tragedy, and when she was presented with a chance for revenge, she took it, because that was all she could think about.

She returns from that mission a different person, but for the first time in a long time, she feels like she can think clearly. Though things have only gotten more complicated and more confusing, she is at least aware of the fact that she has left a friend hanging, and that he is probably convinced that she hates him. Of course, that is not the case, and she never meant to give him that impression, but she has not felt capable of writing him a letter.

She is grateful to Hilda for explaining the situation to him, though he still thinks that she is mad at him, so that is something that she needs to clear up on her own. Even if she does not feel able to actually talk about the things that have happened to her, she needs to clear up the misunderstanding, and she wants to go back to talking about him about anything and everything else that they can.

_ Holst, _

_ I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to find the time to reply to you. I haven’t felt like myself lately, not for a long time. I know that Hilda told you about what happened to me, and I need to take the time to properly thank her for that. I should have been the one to explain things to you, but it has been difficult for me to even think about putting it into words. _

_ Even now, it’s really difficult to talk about, so I might not be able to discuss anything important for a while. But I really want to be able to keep writing to you, because I appreciate your friendship. I’m sorry for making you think I was mad at you, because that isn’t the case. I still want to keep writing to you, if you’ll have me. _

_ Yours, _

_ Byleth _

She sends it off, and in the meantime, reads over the letters that she ignored again and again. It hurts, but it hurts even more to not have anything to read, for some reason. Perhaps she is just looking for something to hold onto right now, a sense of normalcy when everything else feels like it is falling apart around her. She is impatient, waiting for his response, but even so, his responds incredibly quickly to her.

_ Byleth, _

_ You have no idea how happy I am to hear from you again, and how happy I am to hear that I didn’t manage to scare you off. Still, if there was anything I did to make it more difficult for you, feel free to chew me out as much as you want. Either way, I will still be here to write to you, as much as you want. _

_ As long as you want to hear from me, then there’s no way you could get rid of me that easily. Ignoring me because you need some time to yourself is definitely not enough to get rid of me. The beauty of writing back and forth is that you can take the time you need to think before you write, even if it takes a little while. Take as much time as you need to think. I’ll still be here. _

_ Sorry if that’s a little too much. I’ll admit that I’m not really used to giving pep talks like this, so it might come across as over the top. In my next letter, I’ll have something a little less weighty to talk about, but right now, I want to go ahead and wrap this up so I can send it to you. But don’t worry, I’m already thinking of plenty more stories about my academy days to entertain you with. _

_ Or maybe I could tell some embarrassing stories about Hilda’s childhood, if you feel like collecting some blackmail to make sure she keeps working. _

_ Yours, _

_ Holst _

When Byleth finishes the letter, she realizes that she is smiling. Only a little bit, but it’s nice, and she missed feeling like this. Though she doesn’t have much to say in response right now, she decides to write a quick reply, letting him know that blackmail material will not be necessary. As it is right now, she has no trouble motivating Hilda by using her own means.

~X~

_ Excerpt from a letter to Holst, from his younger sister Hilda _

_ I’m glad that you and the professor are talking to each other again. She has been really unhappy lately, as I’m sure you can imagine. It’s hard to tell, but she’s definitely perked up, at least a little bit, since she started writing to you again. I don’t know if she’s mentioned anything about it, but she’s a lot different now. I mean, seriously, she has undergone some major changes. _

_ I think she’s still the same person, of course, but she looks a little different, and got way stronger. Nobody really gets it, I don’t think. At the end of the month, she’s supposed to do some important mission, because apparently this big makeover really impressed the archbishop. Things are getting really weird around here. _

~X~

_ Excerpt from a letter to Hilda, from here older brother Holst _

_ Even if she looks different, I’m sure that she’s still just as beautiful as I remember her to be. And if she’s gotten even stronger, then that just makes me want to fight her even more. Eventually, I’m going to have to find the time to pay your school a visit, so that I can make that happen. In the meantime, just keep an eye on her for me, okay? I’ll do what I can to keep trying to cheer her up. _


	7. Chapter 7

When war breaks out, Byleth can’t actually say that she is surprised. For a while know, she has had a feeling that things would eventually come to this, and now, it is not hard to determine what side she falls on. For as long as she has been a part of society beyond her life as a mercenary, she has been fighting alongside those of the Alliance, and Claude has put a great deal of trust in her. There is no question about where her loyalties lie and that, more so with the church, they are with the Alliance.

Her letters to and from Holst had become so lighthearted recently, in his obvious attempts to cheer her up, and now, she has to break that pattern to send a more serious letter. Now does not seem like the right time to keep pretending as if everything is okay, and as if he can keep playfully flirting and she can keep pretending to be oblivious. They are at war with the Empire now, so the time for lighthearted conversation should come to an end.

_ Holst, _

_ The Empire and the Church are at war now, and the Kingdom and Alliance will be supporting the Church, of course. I know you already know all of this. I’m going to be supporting the Alliance, so I will do my best to protect all of my students, if it comes down to it. I hope that you and your family will be safe, even when you have to go out on the battlefield. _

_ Wars aren’t that unfamiliar to me. There has not been a war on this scale in a long time, certainly not in my lifetime, but I’m used to battles and used to these tactics. This is the sort of thing that I was trained for, the sort of thing that is more familiar to me than the classroom could ever be. Even so, I had hoped that things could become peaceful, and that maybe I could just be a teacher. _

_ I know that was pretty stupid of me, looking back, but I have loved my time at the monastery so much. I would give anything to relive those days, over and over again, so I hope, somehow, that we can go back to that someday. All of this must sound terribly naive to someone who actually knows how the world works. No matter how much battle experience I may have, I can never make up for my lack of life experience. _

_ Sorry for the tone this letter took. I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately, and I find you the easiest person to talk to. Of course, you can unload anything onto me as well, and I’ll be sure to listen. _

_ Yours, Byleth _

_ Byleth, _

_ You don’t need to apologize for that. I can’t even begin to imagine how things must be there. It’s likely that we will have issues communicating as things get more heated, but I will do my best to write to you whenever I can. I’m sure I can find some way to get it to you, though if things continue as they are, there may be a chance of us fighting side by side, since you’ve chosen to fight for the Alliance. _

_ I won’t say that I’m grateful to the conflict for the chance to finally meet you, but I can’t deny that it excites me, at least a little bit, to know that that is a possibility. Sorry if that’s too forward of me; we both know I have a track record of getting carried away like that. _

_ You may think that it’s naive to hope for a time where you can teach and spend time with your students in peace again, but I don’t think it is. I think that should be what we’re all fighting for, at the end of it all. Your lack of life experience, as you put it, seems to only rid you of the more selfish impulses that come with war. I think that makes you a very valuable ally to have, and I’m proud to say that we will be fighting on the same side. _

_ As long as you are there, I trust that Hilda is still in good hands. I’m sure that she is worried right now. I will do my best to reassure her with my letters, but if you can keep an extra eye on her for me, as you have already been doing, it would be appreciated. I know that she admires you a great deal, perhaps even more than I do, but she has the advantage and blessing of getting to work by your side every day. Have I mentioned how envious of her that I am? _

_ Teasing aside, you have my support, and my gratitude for choosing to fight at our sides. _

_ Yours, _

_ Holst _

The last letter that Byleth gets from Holst, she does not have a chance to reply to. She has done her best to make sure that she does not leave him hanging, writing back immediately so that she can avoid another situation like before, but this time, things are much more out of her control than they were then.

Then, she had the ability to reply, but not the energy, nor the words. Now, there is no one to reply to him. After the sudden attack on Garreg Mach, everyone has to go to battle, and Byleth leaves the letter behind, still on her desk, before she disappears during the battle, and is eventually presumed dead. They search for her body, but it is never found.

Holst waits for a reply from her while waiting for word on the situation at the monastery. He eventually hears from his younger sister that she will be returning home soon. It must be difficult for her to tell him that Byleth is dead. She knew how much he wanted to meet her someday, and now, he will never have that chance.


	8. Chapter 8

_ Byleth,  _

_ I think this is the fourth letter that I’ve sent to you, knowing that I’m not going to get a reply. I have nowhere to send them, so I just keep them here with me, but there will always be a part of me that waits for you to write back, I think. Sometimes, I hope that I will eventually get over it, and accept what has happened, and other times, I want to never lose hope. _

_ Hilda holds hope that you will return somehow, someday, as well. She says that you have pulled off miracles before, and that, until a body is found, it is hard to be sure what could have really happened to you. At least, she said those sorts of things at first, when she returned to our family estate, but now, she tries to avoid the topic altogether. Anything involving you, even anything involving her time at school, she tries to avoid talking about unless it slips out, and I know that she is afraid of upsetting me. _

_ You will be proud to know that I managed to keep a stiff upper lip over the whole ordeal, at least. Though she worries about me, I give her no reason to. There is a war going on, after all, and as the heir to the Goneril family, I have to be at the top of my game, don’t I? And, as her older brother, it would look bad on me if I spent all my time moping over a woman I never even met, especially when that woman was her beloved professor, that she spent countless hours with. _

_ Really, I’m not sure why it hurts me this much. I know I have said this over and over again, and I know I haven’t even said this to you, because you aren’t here to read my letters, but I come back to it every time. I never met you and we only ever communicated through letters. I saw you once, and you didn’t get the chance to see me, and even so, I feel very empty, knowing that I will never open another letter from you, and that I will never have the chance to properly meet you. _

_ We were supposed to spar, you know. After hearing so much about your strength, I would have liked to confirm it for myself. I can try and tell myself that that is the reason I miss you so much, but I know how silly that is, and I think if you were still able to write back, you would agree that it would have to be deeper than that. But, then, if you were still able to write back, I would not need to ask your advice to begin with, and I would probably be able to spar with you. _

_ Well, with the war being what it is, I hardly have the time to sit down and write these letters to no one, but I can’t help thinking, if I had the chance to see you right now, it would be too easy for me to drop everything and go to you, even though I know I shouldn’t. You would probably stop me from doing something that impulsive though, wouldn’t you? _

_ Or would you? Maybe I have just projected all of this onto you because you aren’t here to say what you would or wouldn’t do, and maybe I just need someone reasonable to take me out of doing stupid things. I reread your letters sometimes, just to make sure that I don’t forget how you sounded to me, but I never even knew what your voice actually sounded like. Now I never will, but even that seems less important than the simple fact that I will never be able to communicate with you at all anymore. All I have are these letters that I don’t send out, because there is no one there for me to send them to. _

_ Why am I so dependent on communication with someone that I never met? I always come back to that question, and I am not sure if I will ever have an answer. I know that I will keep writing these letters for as long as I miss you, and though part of me hopes that I will be able to move on, another part is not willing to lose hope, and will keep saving these letters, so that you might have something to read, if you ever come back. _

_ Still yours, _

_ Holst _

~X~

_ Byleth, _

_ Three years, and I still try to find time to write to you. If you were still here, would you think me pathetic? I wouldn’t mind being mocked for my devotion if it meant that you were still around to mock me. _

_ It seems that there is never any progress, and that the war will go on forever. We remain locked in stalemate after stalemate, and each battle seems to rob us of more lives, while counting for nothing. I wonder if the Alliance would have fared any better if we had you on our side. It might be ridiculous to place my hopes in one person, but Hilda once told me that you were capable of working well with Claude, the two of you strategizing together back when he was your student. I’m sure he often wonders the same thing. _

_ No matter what may happen, I will continue doing my part on behalf of my family, even if my efforts might seem more and more hopeless every day. And, just the same, I will continue writing to you, and continue hoping against hope that you will come back someday, and that I will finally have someone to read all of these letters. I am still just as dependent on you as I ever was. _

_ Forever yours, _

_ Holst _

~X~

Hilda does not tell her older brother of the promised class reunion, set on the date that would have been the Millenium Festival. She does not want to remind him of Byleth anymore than she has to, nor does she want him to know that she is still holding onto hope. But she knows that he has been writing to her, and she knows where he hides the letters, and so, when she sets out for the monastery, she brings them with her, just in case.


	9. Chapter 9

At first, it is hard for Byleth to believe that she has been gone for five years. When she hears the date, she is still hazy after waking up from the deepest sleep she can ever recall, and all she can think about is how she and her students had promised to meet again on that day. As she hurries back to see if they are waiting for her, she starts to come back to herself, and is not sure if five years really could have passed. The state of the monastery certainly suggests as much, and the changed appearances of her students does as well, but it is still hard to believe, even when they assure her that it happened, that they all thought she was dead.

What ends up making it all start to seem real to her is not what any of her students tell her about her disappearance, and it is not even how much everything has changed while she was out. It is the packet of pages that Hilda gives to her, saying, “He didn’t know that I took these with me. He may have figured it out by now, but...well, I wanted you to be able to write him back, since he’s been waiting for so long.”

The letters from Holst fill her with guilt, as she realizes just how many people she left behind, and left hanging. Though it was not her fault, and none of her students seem to blame her for this, she still feels as though she has done something terrible to all of them, but nothing hits harder than reading between the lines, and understanding just how lost Holst felt, leading to him never letting their correspondence go, even when there was no one there to answer him.

At first, she wonders if she has the right to reply to him, or let him know that she is alive, but she sorts that out quickly enough. She never intended to leave him hanging, and he will find out from Hilda, at the very least, that she is still alive. It would be far worse for her to avoid him out of a sense of guilt, for something that she did not do on purpose, and so, she tries to think of how to explain herself to him.

_ Holst, _

_ Thank you for never giving up hope that I might return someday. To be honest, it is quite a shock to wake up and find out that everyone thought I was dead, that I have been dead to the world for five whole years. I don’t know how to describe what happened. One minute, I was falling, and the next, I was opening my eyes, with my head heavy, as if I had slept for days. _

_ As it turned out, I’d slept for years. I’m so sorry that I was not able to reply to you sooner. I’m sorry that I once again left you waiting for an answer, while you continued to be patient, against all odds. I have read each of your letters all the way through, and I look forward to being able to read even more, now that I’m finally back. And now I can resume looking after Hilda, just like I promised you that I would. _

_ This is short, especially in comparison to how much I have to reply to, but I want to send this out as quickly as possible. Hilda says that she will send this alongside a letter of her own, explaining things as she has seen them, so I don’t want to keep her waiting too long before she can send them out. I will begin working on a proper response to everything that you have written to me soon, but it might turn out pretty lengthy. _

_ Still yours, _

_ Byleth _

As she finishes it off to give to Hilda, she thinks about all the things that he has written to her, without ever knowing if she would read them. She thinks about how lost he seemed, how much he missed her, and what it all could mean, and she wonders just how deep his feelings for her really go. Even in the past, she had thought that he might be interested in her, even though that seemed unlikely due to the fact that they only communicated by letter, but even then, she never would have thought that it was serious.

And even now, when she starts to wonder about it, she tries to remind herself that he could care about her that deeply as a friend, and that she is hardly in a good position to be wondering about her romantic prospects right now. The most important thing is just that she and Holst will be able to communicate again at all, and she hopes that things will be able to go back to the way they were before.

~X~

_ Byleth, _

_ I wouldn’t have believed that it was you if Hilda had not assured me that it was. As much as I have hoped for your return, I would never have believed a letter was from you. I would have been more inclined to believe that someone had stolen my letters, deduced my desire to hear from you again, and managed to perfectly imitate your handwriting. _

_ Why anyone would deliberately do something that cruel, I have no idea, but even knowing the truth, it was hard to believe that it was you at first, and my imagination ran wild. But it is you, and I honestly have no idea what to write. Isn’t that silly? I spent years using your name as a stand in for a diary, and now that I finally have what I want most, I am so floored that I don’t know what to say to you. _

_ I suppose I can look forward to whatever you say to my embarrassingly large collection of letters that Hilda made off with. I hope I didn’t say anything too strange in there, so if I did, please just ignore it. I’ve missed you so much, but you already know that by now. Please, never do anything like that again, if you can avoid it. _

_ Still yours, _

_ Holst _

_ P.S. The first opportunity that I have, I am going to come see you. It may be impossible with the current state of the world, but I am going to do whatever I can to make sure that we meet in person, for real this time. _


	10. Chapter 10

It is amazing how natural things feel right off the bat, as soon as she and Holst get back into the swing of writing each other. Byleth has a lot of things to get used to, with the world having moved on without her, leaving her to catch up, and it helps to have something that is familiar to rely on. Of course, it helps that she has never actually seen Holst, and that she does not have to see him now, so she does not have to be faced with how much he may have changed in the years she was missing.

She is sure that he has changed, just as everyone has, but when he writes to her, it feels like old times again, like maybe the world has not  _ completely _ shifted in her absence. In the back of her mind, she often remembers the distressed, and then resigned, tones of his unsent letters, and feels another stab of guilt, but when she reads current letters from him, it fades away.

Many times, she has attempted to apologize again for disappearing, and Holst has told her to stop, to not worry about things that she could not help, and stop worrying about the past that neither of them can change now. Though both are busy with the war efforts, they still find time to write when they can, and writing to him and hearing from him are some of the only things that can help ease her worries right now.

But the tone of his letters does become increasingly more...she doesn’t want to say  _ flirtatious _ , because she does not want to be presumptuous, but it is hard to think of any other way to put it. When he continues to bring up how beautiful he remembers her being, and how much he looks forward to getting to see her again someday, saying that he thinks he could spend hours just talking to her, it is hard to get any other impression.

_ Byleth, _

_ You don’t have to keep brushing off my compliments, you know. Unless you don’t like them, and if me talking to you like this is a problem, all you have to do is say so. But if you’re just brushing them off because you feel like it isn’t all true, then you have nothing to worry about there. I only wish I could compliment you on more than just your conversational skills and the way you looked when I saw you from a distance several years ago. _

_ The last one feels very superficial, but I still remember that day, clear as ever, so it certainly had an impression on me. I do not want you to think that I’m obsessed with appearances, and that isn’t why I keep bringing it up. I just want to see you again, I suppose, and spend enough time with you that I come out with even more things to praise you for. _

_ Especially your fighting skills. Have I mentioned that before? I already know that it’s nearly all I talk about once I get on the topic. You must be bored to death with me begging you for a match that both of us know won’t come for a while yet, but...please, spar with me as soon as you have the chance. _

_ Yours, _

_ Holst _

_ Holst, _

_ I don’t necessarily think that you’re superficial or obsessed with appearances, though I do wonder where the obsession with  _ my _ appearance comes from. Are you sure it was even me that you saw through the widow? You could have spent the last several years mooning over one of my students, while I was the ugliest woman you could ever imagine. _

_ Your compliments don’t bother me, and it isn’t that I’m afraid I don’t deserve them, either. Well, I don’t mean for that to sound vain. I’m not sure that you aren’t exaggerating most of the time, I can at least say that, but mostly, I brush them off because I don’t know many other ways to take them. You should know by now that I’m not used to getting that sort of attention. _

_ I promise that we will have our match one day, as I have promised many times before. I’m not going to go back on that now, so just try to be patient with me. That being said, don’t run crying if I turn out to be too strong for you to handle. Or if I turn out to be the ugliest woman you could ever imagine. _

_ Yours, _

_ Byleth _

She wonders how he reads the letters, and if he can tell, when he reads them, that she is not nearly as cool and composed as it might read, and that it took her several drafts to finally get her responses right.

_ Byleth, _

_ Absolutely not, I know that there was no way I could have mistaken anyone else for you. And I won’t have you calling yourself ugly to me, even if it’s as a hypothetical or as a joke, so let’s put a stop to that right now. As for my “obsession” with your appearance, have you ever considered the fact that I just might be very fond of you? Did the years’ worth of letters not clue you in to how I feel about you? _

_ It may seem silly for me to be so hung up on someone I only know from letters and from a glimpse, especially when you probably feel as though you hardly know me at all, but I’ve had years to reflect on it, and years where I thought our correspondence was over, and I still never managed to get you out of my mind. Sparring promises aside, there is so much more I still want from you, and that made it impossible to let go. _

_ I don’t think I will ever be able to let go, unless you formally reject me. Even then, I will continue “mooning” over you, as you so kindly put it. Actually, looking back at that part of your letter, I have to assume that you  _ do _ know how I feel, and that you’re just teasing me for the sake of teasing me. Rather cruel of you, and yet, I find that endearing as well. _

_ Yours, _

_ Holst _

At least now she knows that she was not incorrect in thinking of his letters as flirtatious. She had meant the bit about him mooning over her as a joke, but if that is how he truly feels...and it was never intention to tease him about it, but she never expected anything like this from anyone, let alone Holst. If only she knew what to do, or what the next step she should take is.


	11. Chapter 11

With Holst having nearly confessed to her, Byleth is not sure what to do about that. Somehow, she still manages to be unsure about his true feelings, and even with him coming across as completely sincere, she has to wonder if he isn’t just teasing her. It seems very unlikely- more like impossible- when she factors in the letters sent while she was missing, but even so, she keeps asking herself what he would really want with her, when he barely knows her.

That is when she has to turn around and ask herself a similar question. It isn’t as if she can keep running from her own feelings when she finds herself so concerned with his, and if she is going off of her own logic for why he should not have feelings for her, then she definitely should not have feelings for him. He only knows her through letters and he saw her once from a distance. She has never even seen him, so if she has feelings for him, and that makes sense to her, then his feelings should as well.

It is just difficult to accept that a nobleman would fall for a mercenary-turned-professor from such a distance, just because he enjoys writing to her. Shouldn’t he have more refined tastes than someone like Byleth? Doesn’t he have a line of potential brides to choose from, all of whom are probably much better for the job than she is?

It would be easy to read the sincerity in his words, if not for her own doubts, about herself and her ability to win someone over, and her ability to form a relationship at all. It is the first time that she has ever felt this way, let alone the first time someone might have admitted to feeling that way about her. She can’t help but overthink it, and she has no one that she can ask about it anymore, not with the situation that she is currently in. After all, it would look very silly for her to be concerning herself so much with the flirtatious words of  _ any _ man, while she and her former students are trying to turn the tides of a war.

The only person she can think of who might enjoy that sort of discussion, just to take her mind off of things, would be Hilda, and Byleth is not exactly comfortable asking Holst’s little sister if she thinks that Holst is interested in her, and what she should do if she is. She can think of several ways this could go wrong, not least of which would be Hilda immediately writing to Holst, teasing him relentlessly and quoting passages of his letters, just to get under his skin. Byleth doubts that he would want much to do with her after that, no matter what his feelings are right now.

She can write to him about current events, about anything going on in her life without directly mentioning her own feelings, or even his. Until she knows what to do, she can simply dodge the subject, and hope that she will be able to make better sense of it later, after she has had more time to think about it.

_ Byleth, _

_ It seems like you’re being kept even more busy than I am. I’m glad that you still have time to keep in touch, even though everything is so hectic. Your letters have once again become the thing I most look forward to receiving. I don’t think that it is any exaggeration to say that right now, that is what is keeping me going. You have no idea just how important they are to me. _

_ Sadly, I’m either going to have to finish this up now, or wait who knows how long to finish it, so I’m sending you something brief this time. Hopefully I will have more time next time. _

_ Yours, _

_ Holst _

_ P.S. Are you ignoring what I said in my last letter because it bothered you? I won’t mention it again, if that is the case/ _

_ Holst, _

_ You caught me. I wasn’t ignoring it because it necessarily bothered me, but I didn’t know what to think about it, and didn’t know what to say, as a result. I’m just not really sure how to process anything that you’re saying, as it’s the first time anyone has ever talked to me like this. I suppose I just want to know that you’re really not teasing me, before I say anything stupid. _

_ I guess we’re both rather busy lately, since I have to cut this short as well, but I at least wanted to tell you that much while I had the chance. _

_ Yours, _

_ Byleth _

_ Byleth, _

_ I hope that you understand my feelings when I am as blunt as possible, and I’m sorry if anything I said before might have been misleading, or made you think that I was not serious. The truth is that I mean everything that I say. Sometimes I get a little carried away and probably say more than I should, but that does not make any of it any less true. _

_ I have had something of a crush on you for a long time, for years, really. But nearly losing you made me realize just how dependent I had become on you, on being able to write to you like this, and I realized that there had to be more to it than that. I care about you a great deal more than I have ever cared about anyone outside of my close family, so I don’t think it is too out there to say that I think I’ve fallen for you. _

_ I’m sorry if all of that is too much for you. I never want to put any sort of pressure on you, or do anything that might put an end to our relationship. No matter what our relationship may be, writing to you will always be enough for me, so I hope even now, we will be able to continue. _

_ Yours, _

_ Holst _


	12. Chapter 12

When he answers her so bluntly, with such a straightforward confession, there is no way that Byleth can continue to pretend that there is even a slight chance that Holst is messing with her. And reading the way he expresses his feelings leaves her heart pounding, in a way that makes it pretty obvious that she has feelings for him too. Even if she wanted to deny it, she would not be able to, and would not be able to pass it off as anything less than it is.

She has never met him before, but when she reads his letters, it does not feel that way, and when she writes back to him, she finds it easier to open up to him than to anyone else, feeling close to him as if they have met before, as if they have spent hours together, just talking. In a way, they have, even if they have never physically been together.

Even knowing how she feels about him, she still does not know how to answer him at first. Returning his confession with a confession of her own definitely seems like the most obvious option, but trying to figure out how to word it is easier said than done. And she still has to be practical about the fact that she has never actually met him, and even if they get along really well through their writing, there are still things that they would not be able to know about each other, unless they met in person.

What if it is easy to write, but things fall apart when they are in person? After all, part of why she found writing to him easiest of all is because she had time to think about what she said before she said it. She enjoyed writing because it went without any of the pressures that come with interacting in person, so maybe Holst will not like her so much when they actually meet. Maybe the two of them will not have anything to talk about, and maybe they will completely lack any chemistry.

These thoughts are what cause her to hesitate before writing her next letter. She doesn’t want to say something like that to him, because it sounds rather rude when she thinks about it, but she also does not want to say anything that she doesn’t actually feel is true, so it takes her a long time of staring at a blank page before she can even begin to write to him.

And even once she has started, she often finds herself throwing away what she has started on, so that she can try again.

_ Holst, _

_ I guess there really is no more pretending that you’re just joking around with me. After a letter like that, it would be pretty cruel- not to mention stupid- of me to continue to doubt your sincerity. It has taken me a while to think of how to respond to such a confession, so I apologize for keeping you waiting for so long. _

_ It is very easy to think that I am falling for you as well. At the very least, I know that I am falling for your writing, that each letter leaves me feeling closer to you, and like I want to get even closer. If I were to just judge things based on the way we talk to each other, I would have to say that I feel the same way, and that I likely have for a very long time. _

_ But I also do not want to start anything like that while we still haven’t met in person. I know that you have not necessarily said that we would be starting anything, but I just want to be forthcoming about my feelings, before it comes to that. As much as we may feel like we know each other because of our correspondence, there are things that one can’t know without meeting in person. If we were to get too excited for our eventual meeting and then end up disappointed, we could both get hurt in the process. I might be hurting you just by saying this, though, and I apologize if that is the case. Like I said, this has been a difficult letter to write. _

_ The important thing to say is that I do care a lot about you, and that if it were entirely based on writing, it would be easy to say that I have fallen for you. I hope that when we are able to meet in person, we can figure out where it goes from there. _

_ Yours, _

_ Byleth _

_ Byleth, _

_ You should hurry up and win the war then, so we can finally meet. Of course, there are plenty of other, more important reasons that we should want the war to come to an end, but you have to admit that I have a point. You have a point as well, about how we can’t really know each other until we finally meet. _

_ It has been easy to think that we would get along just based on these conversations, but we really won’t know until we know. That only makes me look forward to meeting you even more, though, because I would love to have the chance to get to know you and fall for you in person. So, while I understand your hesitation to make any decisions based on your feelings when we haven’t met yet, I doubt anything you can say at this point will deter my excitement. _

_ I can’t wait until the day that we can actually meet, and it may seem overly confident of me, but I really do think I will fall just as hard for you in person. I hope that you can come out and see me. As soon as the war comes to an end, we will have to figure something out. _

_ Until then, at least we can keep in touch like this. _

_ Yours, _

_ Holst _

His confidence certainly makes it difficult not to be confident herself, reassured by his words. Byleth finds herself looking forward to finally meeting him, feeling as though things might just come naturally when the time finally comes.


	13. Chapter 13

There is no more chance for Byleth to deny her feelings for him, no more chance to deny his feelings for her. She thought that this might make the letters more difficult to write, the equivalent of conversation turning awkward, but it seems to have the opposite effect. Holst writes to her even more often than before, sometimes saying that he really should not be rushing back to be able to return her letters, but that he just can’t help himself, that he wants to talk to her as much as possible. In return, Byleth finds herself more anxious and impatient to reply to him as well, sharing the same sentiment.

Of course, they both agree that things would be much simpler if they could just have these conversations face to face, without the lag in between, waiting for letters to arrive before writing out their response, then waiting for the other to have a response for them.

It becomes easier to talk about getting along in person when they are no longer trying to cover up what it is that they are both hoping for from their first meeting. And neither bother to discuss the negative possibilities anymore, writing as if things are going to be perfectly natural in person as well, as if they are going to hit it off right away, and figure things out from there. With any luck, that is exactly how things will go, and she feels as though that is how things  _ will _ go, just as long as Holst is not put off by how quiet she can be, as opposed to the chatterbox she becomes when she has a pen in hand.

_ Byleth, _

_ So, you’re afraid that you’re too quiet for me? Somehow, I don’t think that will be too much of a problem. Of course, I want to hear everything that you have to see, and you may need to tell me to shut up from time to time, so that I can do exactly that, but you should know that I have a hard time shutting up myself. Face to face, if there is any lull in the conversation, I should be able to fill it just fine, if you need me to. Between my little sister and I, it can be difficult for others to get a word in edgewise, and we often have to talk over one another, because whatever one of us has to say must be more important than what the other does. Obviously. _

_ I hope that bit of information is not enough to put you off completely. Perhaps I should have described that in a more flattering manner. Well, at least give me a chance before making any serious decisions! _

_ No matter how quiet you are in person, it will still be you, and I have wanted to spend time alone with you for so long now. There are a lot of things we can do besides talk, you know. Hey, wipe that surprised look off your face, you should know me well enough by now to know that I’m only talking about sparring! Unless, of course, you would prefer it if I were referring to something else… _

_ I’m only kidding, again. Really, there is no need to look so surprised. And don’t ask me how I know, I can practically imagine your reactions to my jokes right now, you know. _

_ Yours, _

_ Holst _

_ Holst, _

_ How do you know my reactions, exactly? I’ve been told that, in addition to being much too quiet, I’m also not very expressive. I am fairly certain that I read all of your little “jokes” with a completely straight face. Also, you should know that the very first place my mind went was sparring, so your jokes also fell completely flat. _

_ Either way, if you talk as much as you say you do, then maybe we won’t have any problems after all. I look forward to seeing that for myself. Apologies for being brief, but I’ll have to cut things short here. I promise, I’ll update you more next time. _

_ Yours, _

_ Byleth _

  
  


_ Byleth, _

_ I’m sure I could get a reaction or two out of you if I really tried my hardest. For instance, I bet I could shock you quite a bit if I said I hadn’t been making jokes, and that sparring definitely was  _ not _ the first thing I thought of. _

_ I’ll be waiting for your more detailed letter, but for now, I’m afraid that I will have to be rather brief as well. _

_ Yours, Holst _

Of course sparring wasn’t the first place that her mind went when she read his letter, but it is a lot easier to shut him down completely than to admit that she has started thinking about him like that, especially after telling him that she does not even know what she looks like, and does not know him well enough to start seriously considering a relationship with him. It must just be basic loneliness, something that she had thought herself immune to. Clearly she isn’t, if she is daydreaming about a man she has never met in such a matter, all because he made some half-assed dirty jokes in a letter.

But things are getting intense again, so much so that she does not have the chance to write back to him as soon as she wants to. She ends up sending him brief letter after brief letter, a few sentences here and there to let him know that she is still alive, and that she is still planning on writing to him again soon, but the chance never comes, until she finds herself in a string of “final battles,” that see her and her students through the end of the long war.

_ Byleth, _

_ Now, don’t you think you’ve kept me waiting long enough? Provided you don’t have anything more important to do, I have requested that Hilda bring you home with her as soon as possible. I hope that you will accept this invitation. _

_ Yours, _

_ Holst _

Of course, there are several more important things that she could be doing. The war may be  _ over _ , but that does not mean that their efforts are, and she is still helping Claude figure out the situation in Fodlan, with all the information that they have. Even so, she requests to take some time to herself, before agreeing to return home with Hilda.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating will go up to explicit next week, for the final chapter

“I still can’t believe that this is really happening,” Hilda says, not for the first time on their journey. “I mean, I knew you two were close, and I knew there was something going on, but it almost felt like it would never actually happen. But now, the two of you are actually meeting! For the very first time! Are you nervous?”

“Maybe a little bit,” Byleth admits, and Hilda shakes her head.

“Really, professor, you have nothing to worry about. My big brother is crazy about you, for one thing, and for another, he really isn’t as intimidating as some people might have you believe. Everything is going to be just fine.”

She can only hope that that is the case.

~X~

Byleth recognizes him right away, despite having never seen him before. There is a slight family resemblance with Hilda, of course, but she thinks what tips him off is the way he immediately brightens when he catches sight of her, recognizing her even if she should not be able to recognize him. There is no turning back now, but when she sees him, she does not even think about turning back.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” he says, as soon as he has run up to them. “I’ve been waiting for this day for so long!”

“You’re not even going to say hello to your own sister?” Hilda teases him. “You really do have it bad.”

“I was getting to that,” Holst argues, but he seems flustered now. “I just wanted to greet our guest. You know that it’s only polite…”

“Of course, of course, I’m sure it has nothing to do with who that guest is. Look, I’ll leave the two of you to talk, so have fun!” she replies, and with that, she is off, leaving the two of them alone as she has the soldiers and servants that accompanied her here and her brother outside follow her back to the estate.

“Byleth,” Holst starts, but he does not actually seem to know what to say. “I…it’s still you. You were right about the hair being different, but I think it looks fine, it really suits you.”

“Does it? Well, I appreciate that,” she replies. “It’s great to finally see you, Holst.”

“Am I every bit as handsome as you dreamed? What about my voice? You know, this is the first time I’ve heard your voice, I didn’t really think about that until just now,” he says, before looking sheepish. “Sorry, I’m kind of…it’s hard to…as you can see, I’m very excited about all of this.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I’m excited too, just, not as good at showing it.”

“Well, you certainly don’t appear as emotionally dead as you’ve described yourself in your letters,” he replies. “Are you tired from traveling? You can rest if you want to, and we can do this later.”

“I doubt I would be able to rest if I tried,” she confesses.

“Then do you think you’re up for a walk? I could show you around a bit, and we could finally have a chance to talk in person. Since my little sister was kind enough to leave us to it,” he suggests, and Byleth is quick to agree with him.

She is surprised by just how natural things feel in person. Maybe she should have seen this coming, because they connected so well through their letters, but she had spent so much time preparing herself for a possible negative outcome, that now the positives surprise her. She had worried that they would have nothing to talk about, that she would clam up and that he would not like her as much, because of how quiet she was. Instead, she speaks to him as freely as anyone, and he assures her that she seems a lot more expressive than she had made him think that she was. Things are going very well for them so far, so well that it feels as though she is reading or composing a letter, rather then taking part in a real conversation.

One of the things that she had worried about was that, in face to face conversation, she does not have the time to think that letters allow her, but she does not feel that she needs that right now, her sentences and responses coming to her easily. In fact, she is coming to discover that she much prefers talking face to face, because she does not have to wait so long to find out what Holst thinks. He can tell her right away, and she enjoys hearing his voice much more than she enjoys seeing words on a page.

By the time their walk has come to an end, she already feels as though she could stay here forever, even though she knows that that is not an option. The war may be over, but that does not mean that her work is, and she knows that she will have to return to Claude soon, because he says that he has a lot of things that he needs to discuss with her, and plans that they need to figure out. She will have to leave to do her own work, and Holst will certainly have a lot to deal with as well, but at least she knows that they can go back to writing to each other, and even if it is not as nice as talking like this, it has been one of her only sources of comfort for a long time, so she can definitely get used to it again.

“After dinner, if you’re not too tired,” he starts, pausing for a moment, nervous. “Well, I’m sure you haven’t forgotten how much I want to spar with you. I know I haven’t forgotten, and we do have a training hall on the estate, so I was hoping we might be able to…if you rest up now, I mean, you could show me that strength I’ve heard so much about?”

Smiling slightly, Byleth says, “It would be my pleasure.”


	15. Chapter 15

The two of them are rushing into things. Byleth knows as much, and yet she has no intention of slowing down either way. After promising herself that she would take the time to get to know Holst in person, rather than relying on her feelings for the man in the letters, but here she is now, seeing Holst for the first time and somehow knowing that he  _ is _ the man in the letters. Or, at the very least, that is the feeling she gets from him in the short time that they have spent together and, even knowing how naive that is, she can’t help continue along that line.

Tonight, they will finally have their long awaited sparring session, late at night, where they will be able to alone, something that he promises her, though she is not sure if he meant it how it sounded. She thinks he meant to reassure her that, after spending a lot of time on battlefields and in war meetings, and then being fawned over by servants since arriving at the Goneril estate, she will finally have a chance to cut loose, without an audience and without real stakes, without anyone to bother her other than him. She appreciates that sentiment, but she is surprised to realize she also likes it when she takes it to mean something else.

It is almost difficult to keep her mind on the task at hand, but she does not want to give Holst too much of an edge just because she is distracted. After all, he has been looking forward to seeing her strength for years, and the last thing she would want to do would be disappoint him, or give him a victory that he did not truly earn. So she pushes her thoughts regarding her feelings for him out of her mind, so that she can give this everything she has, the two of them deciding on hand-to-hand combat for tonight, something that they are both rather proficient in.

Holst is every bit as strong as she has heard he is, so she hopes that he is similarly impressed by her, and that she lives up to her reputation and his expectations. It is anyone’s game at first, as he gives her a very good fight, difficult to get an edge over, while she allows him no chance for an edge either, both evenly matched. But then, she starts to get her footing, starts to figure out the patterns in his attacks, and how best to overwhelm and confuse him, until she has him struggling to keep up with her, until she is the one that comes out on top, pinning Holst to the ground as they both struggle to catch their breath.

They are moving way too fast, and she knows that even before she lets him wrap his arms around her neck, pulling her down into a kiss. She knows that they are moving too fast just the same as she knows that he is planning on kissing her, and still she lets him, because she can’t help but feel as though she has waited too long for this.

Holst has already promised her that the two of them will be completely alone here, so she does not worry a bit about where things go, deciding not to dwell on how fast they are moving. Whatever happens will happen, and whatever comes next, they will take as it comes. For now, she just wants to make up for all the lost time, and she knows that he has lost even more time with her than she has with him.

Their clothes come off surprisingly easy while lost in the heat of the moment, and before she knows it, they are upright and naked, and Holst has her pinned this time, to the wall behind her, while Byleth just lets it happen. She lets him kiss her again and again, and lets him put a hand between her legs, lets him feel how excited she is with just one touch, gasping and moaning and giving into her private fantasies, fantasies that have kept her up at night, even though she could never properly envision the face of the man that she was fantasizing about.

Well, he has turned out to be every bit as handsome as she hoped, and she does not even think that that is her bias speaking. And not only could she never have imagined what he would look like, but she also never could have imagined what it would feel like to actually have him touching her, rather than pretending that her own hand belonged to him. She can’t help but give into her pleasure, so overwhelmed that she is not willing to hold anything back from him.

She does not realize how long they have gone without speaking until he has her pushed up against the wall, legs spread, and asks her, “Are you sure you want this?”

“I do,” she replies, her voice cracking a bit, another sign that she has not used it much tonight. So far, they have moved on the assumption that they knew what the other was thinking. Only now does Holst slow himself to confirm that he is giving her what she wants, and Byleth is quick to agree, not wanting him to stop, not yet. No matter what may happen next, she wants this tonight.

Holst is slow as he presses his cock inside of her, giving her the time she needs to take it it, and Byleth can only moan and whimper as she does, so overwhelmed by this that she can hardly think at all. It is everything that she has ever wanted and yet so much more than she was expecting, more than she could have ever expected, with her general lack of experience where such matters are concerned. But Holst does not have any more experience than she does, the two of them figuring it out together.

When Holst begins to freely move, thrusting into her and picking up the pace more and more as he goes, Byleth is quickly lost in it, moaning for him and listening to the way that he moans in return, their tones matching and giving away just how much the are enjoying themselves. All alone out here, they are able to make up for all of their lost time, working together towards it, until neither is able to take it anymore, until both are right there on the edge. Byleth is the first to come, tensing and relaxing and calling out for him as she does, but Holst is not far behind her, moaning indulgently as he joins her.

And then, the two are quiet, save for their gasping breaths, until Holst finally says, “That…well, I suppose I’m finally yours now, aren’t I?”

“And that would make me yours as well,” she replies. Though they still have a lot to figure out from here, from their relationship to their place in the world, she feels comfortable and confident referring to herself as such. No matter what may happen, she has a feeling that she will always be his, and that he will always be hers.

**Author's Note:**

> f you're interested in my writing updates, please follow my fanfiction twitter @WattStalf  
> 


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